Wonder Woman Syndrome

I think pretty much each and everyone one of us has a female that seems to always have it together. She is dubbed “Strong” how many times you have thought, she will be ok because she is the strongest person I know…but here is the kicker, ever thought the reason behind her strength is because she has/had to do it all this time on her own and she doesn’t know how to ask for help? If she didn't do it, it wouldn't get done(well in her eyes and to some extent the reality she believes).

I have seen the meme “check on your strong friend”…and while I get it, but do you really check on them? I mean a text saying “Hey how are you” isn’t checking on your friend or the text to do just a random check in, again isn’t checking on your friend. This person will not just give up that they are stressed, tired, annoyed and whatever else because you randomly check on them on that particular day. Checking on your strong friend is just that, actually checking IN! Making sure that they are good! If this is your friend, you can tell by the silent or distance they put up…while they might be hesitant in responding... if you actually show the effort, that strong person will let you in to help. Or here is the kicker of an idea, help them before they ask! (Just think back to a random act of kindness that was bestowed on you and repeat it or something similar).

Now, what if that Strong person in your life, is the person you are dating…that is one of the hardest battles you have to face because this person is used to getting things done alone, figuring out things alone, dealing with life hiccups on their own. So letting another person in, to help or to lean on another person is a foreign language to them (Rosetta Stone doesn’t have an edition to help you learn this language). But just as if they were a friend the same thing applies, I mean if you are dating or in a relationship aren’t you guys supposed to be friends first? You’re saying, “Please let me in,” while she’s saying, “Please don’t go.” But in different languages, remember dating is rather tricky.  Please be prepared to stay. Be ready to hold her hand when she says, “I can do it,” and respond with, “But I can help.” Be ready to learn about her life, her world, and find a way to respect it while still being a part of it. Now, I know dating and being in a relationship is coming together as one! but learned behavior over a period of time is hard to break. People love the comfort zone, it's so much easier and familiar. That's why they revert and are easy to just go in that zone. But again dating takes you out of that zone and have you wondering and learning a lot about yourself and your partner!

See, the truth about being on your own is that after a while, being on your own becomes your comfort, becomes your safe space. There’s reliability in answering to only you, to only minding yourself, to only worrying about yourself or what is personable to you. And though at times it can be lonely, it’s a familiar loneliness... It’s a loneliness that sooner or later becomes familiar and almost beautiful.

The fear of letting someone one in is the fear that they eventually leave...which some would rather risk or help put up the wall, sabotage situations, to help you to walk away because ultimately that is her thoughts anyway…that you will just leave and she has to do it ALL on her own anyway. (Tricky ain't it, some might say she’s difficult!).  But she Fears that if she does let you in, does trust you, that she’ll stop being comfortable on her own, and start to only be comfortable with you (trust she wants this more than she will let on, but again it's going back to what is most familiar to her and that is being alone and doing it alone). She has to put away her Wonder Woman cape (yikes).

Remember what attracted you to her, it was that same strength that intrigued you and now it's that same strength that is going to push you away...but once you remember those same strengths are the reasons why wanted to know more about her, is actually her weakness.  Now for those of you, who have Wonder-Woman Syndrome, once you have someone in your life TRULY willing to help, allow them too.

Life is so much easier with someone on your side helping you "Getting Ish Done".