The Ups, Downs and in Betweens

Let me get straight to the point. Breaking up sucks—especially when you can’t get the other person out of your system. To add insult to injury, your ex isn’t giving you a second thought while you’re up having sleepless nights. It doesn’t always have to be this way though, and the following Three Ways To Get Over Someone can help..... By the time I’m done with you, your ex will be about as forgettable as the second Lionel from “The Jeffersons.” 1. Occupy Your Time. The worst thing you can do when getting over someone is nothing, as an idle mind can be your worst enemy. So get up off the couch and participate in activities that will take your mind off the breakup. I don’t care what it is: hang out with friends; go to the gym; It really doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it frees your mind of the past. 2. Make A List And Check It Twice. When I find myself struggling in the aftermath of a break up, I make a list detailing every reason I shouldn’t be with that person—and I mean ev...

Since neither side is faultless, I figured I’d expose both sides with some of the top lies that both men and women tell in relationships. Three Lies That Women Tell 1. I’m Not Mad At You As a man, when you hear these words, it’s time to run for cover. When a woman feels the need to say, “I’m not mad,” at that point, her words officially mean nothing. 2. I had sex with this _______ many guys. (fill in the blank) Do you remember that episode of the “Cosby Show” when Vanessa was teaching Cliff “new math?” It wasn’t until I got older that I realized this same formula is used by 85% of all women when calculating the number of men they’ve slept with. This is how the formula breaks down: Actual number of men, minus the number of men she’s casually slept with, minus the number of men she wants to completely forget, divided by 2. (And you thought E=MC2 was complicated.) 3. I don’t care how much money you have. On a very basic level, all women care about money. From the gold...

We all come from different backgrounds, which I’ve come to both understand and appreciate. It’s those same differences that make this world so great, and what ultimately creates the spice within our romantic relationships. But no matter how different we are, or what we may believe in, we all experience tough periods in our lives—especially in the area of love. Some of the lowest moments in my life have come about as a result of my dealings with a man. At the time, there was no amount of physical pain that could match or exceed the excruciating rawness that was caused by having my heart ripped out. I’m sure we’ve all been there. And during those dark days, when I felt like the sun would never shine again, something inside of me would eventually begin to reawaken. That stirring reminded me that even when I wasn’t feeling loved by others in the natural sense, there was something and someone much greater that continued to love me through it all. That gave me hope. That hope would in t...

Yesterday evening a friend called me for relationship advice. Now I do my utmost to avoid arbitrating relationship issues when I know (and like) both individuals involved. People can’t help but lie/embellish/see things solely from their tainted perspective ergo when I’m told a problem I’m getting half-truths + unnecessary details, at best. And since being accountable for your own actions has gone out of style, people turn and blame their source of advice when it starts to go a bit tits up. After hearing his relationships dilemma and offering as much objective advice as you can when you prefer your friend’s girlfriend to your friend. I’m regularly asked (by women trying to make small talk and men trying to figure out if I’m really interested or just being kind) ‘What’s your type?’ And usually I say ‘You know what I don’t have a type’ ......Truth is I’m lying. .......* I have a type. * I lie less now than I did say two years ago. Just because now I realize when I tell the truth often ...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1207711/Why-I-steal-womens-husbands--A-shockingly-unrepentant-woman-explains-herself.html#comments I read the above article this week and it got over 300 comments most of them slating her. On one hand she actively pursued married men on the other she quite clearly suffers from low self esteem as a result of not getting attention from her parents and being bullied by other girls. Throughout my life I have had disdain towards women who will start relationships with men knowing that they are married. just cannot fathom why as a woman a man who is attached would seem more attractive to you. If anything it should put you off him immediately but according to a study done it actually makes a man 4 times more attractive to a woman?? WHY? They stated that it was down to the woman "pre-screening" his qualities and that the man has demonstrated his ability to commit. I think that logic is flawed as everyone is different so therefore that would c...

I never stopped believing.......there could one day be a chance... for me to Get the love that I've been missing......Sometimes love takes a long time..... But, wait for love and you're gonna get the Chance to love - wait for love, wait for love... In his infinite wisdom, Luther was dead on. Its time to stop rushing it and let it find you. Learn to be happy alone and stop letting a man define you.

“I can’t take it any more.” That’s usually the last thought that runs through someone’s mind right before they decide to officially end a relationship. But what ultimately drives a person to this point? While each situation is unique in its own right, there are common factors that can force us all to throw in the towel. Many of those reasons are found here in my “Top Ten Reasons To End Your Relationship.” 1. Falling Out Of Love ...............In many ways, your relationship mirrors the career of Arsenio Hall. Both started off very promising, only to fizzle out into nothing more than unfulfilled potential. You were once so in love, but now the thrill is definitely gone. There could be countless factors that contributed to you falling out of love, but all of that is now irrelevant … it’s time to say goodbye. 2. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. ...........During the early stages of your relationship, the two of you were equal partners. But as time progressed, their level of respect for the relationshi...

Live this day as if it will be your last. Remember that you will only find ''tomorrow'' on the calendars of fools. Forget yesterday's defeats and ignore the problems of tomorrow. This is it. Doomsday. All you have. Make it the best day of your year. The saddest words you can ever utter are, ''If I had my life to live over again. ''Take the baton, now. Run with it! This is your day! Beginning today, treat everyone you meet, friend or foe, loved one or stranger, as if they were going to be dead at midnight. Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.

Confessions of a Dumb Broad....Look up, Marlon....Say cheeeese! Today I just realized that I was a dumb broad........ Don't know how I didn't know before.... I had a lot of the characteristics. See.....I know there are many different types of dumb broads You got the DB who doesn't know she's one (I guess that's me)......The DB who justifies being one...The DB who does everything in her power not to be one and still ends up one....The DB who has been one for so long that she doesn't even care....there are so many variations and each DB is different. Some are hard-working women who accidentally get caught up in the wrong situation. And some are gold digging heffers with one too many motives. Then there's the DB who assumes that she's going through the bull crap for a reason. Some divine lesson from GOD. And how can we forget about the DB who is the product of her Mother, her sister, her Aunt or her friend. Her warped perception of "love...

I believe it exists. And I am so sick of the media images that make it believe that it can't happen. It happened for me.....and several other people I know......I'm not saying its easy, but its one of the best decisions I made...... Do not let what happened to others scare you into thinking that you can't have a beautiful relationship with a loving relationship. Don't let the statistics scare you or the lack of decent Black men worry you... Okay....that does kinda worry me...... But seriously, you can be Black and happily married.....

The most dangerous man in a woman’s life is her ex..... Why? Because she trusts him. Despite all of the shit he may have put her through….there is a vulnerable place in her heart that she always lets him in. And she never means to. In fact, she usually feels bad after the fact. But she thinks she’s safe because she knows him and he knows her. But really he is taking advantage of her. Rides on some wave of thinking that she may actually start to develop feelings for him again. But she isn't.......She is only looking for temporary comfort. A familiar comfort. She says things she doesn’t mean. She makes implications. She thinks she loves him but she knows she doesn’t. She needs to be careful. She need not let her heart get too involved again. She need not backtrack or press rewind. For an ex is an ex for a reason.

I want something for my lady friends........ I really do. I HATE the men that mess with their emotions and make false promises. But even worse is my infuriation (my spell check says this isn't a word, but it is today. HA!) with them when they make excuses for these men. Don't they know their worth? Don't they see how beautiful they are and how they don't have to act all desperate and weak for undeserving men? Good thing I don't have to deal with too much of that anymore....... The older I get, the less female friends I have with issues like that. Call me picky, but I can only be surrounded by strong women. I don't care how much fun you may be....if your ass is weak, it ain't 'gon work out. Dear God, please let my lady friends know that you have their backs. They are working hard in their professions while maintaining composure and sanity. They are fighting back tears and making ways EVERY DAY. My girls are strong women......And deserving women. And yea...

I’m an imperfect human being. I’m reminded of this each day just by the smallest of missteps that I make. For the most part, these aren’t earth-shattering mistakes, but they do serve as a gentle reminder to never lose sight of the fact that I’m a work in progress. An area where I consistently need work is in my spiritual life. As much as I know what I believe in, I’m still required to put in serious work each day to ensure my continued development into the person that I’m supposed to be. There’s no getting around it. And on the days that I try to cut corners, I mess up … a lot. So keep me in your prayers. The same can be said for your love life. As much as you try to convince yourself that loving this person should be easy, it’s actually the exact opposite. While it’s a beautiful feeling to discover a person worth loving, that discovery doesn’t exempt you from the daily rigors of learning how to coexist with another human being … it just makes the process more enjoyable. The bott...

I was listening to Ne-Yo’s "Because of You" the other day when “Sex With My Ex” came on and the self-explanatory song got me to thinking about the practice of sexual recycling. Basically that’s when you fall back into the arms of a former lover. Although there are the few rare exceptions, most of us have found ourselves caught up in a crazy chain of events that ends in your ex’s bed (or on their floor, kitchen counter, etc.) at one point or another. Maybe y’all had too much to drink. Maybe y’all contemplated getting back together. Maybe someone was just horny and lonely. Whatever the case, y’all had sex and chances are it was pretty darn good See, there’s just something about ex sex. It ranks right up there with makeup sex. Not only is it with someone that you’re comfortable with, but y’all know each other’s bodies and exactly what to do with it. There’s none of the awkwardness or inhibition that comes with a new partner. It’s raw, direct and passionate sex (or love making...

When it comes t o matters of the heart I have one golden rule: If I can’t trust you, then I can’t love you. It’s just that simple, because in my book, the two go hand in hand. Think about it for a moment: If your mind can never be at ease because you think your partner is doing dirt; then what kind of loving relationship is that? You’re spending more time tearing the relationship down by snoopin’ and worrying than actually building it up to something worth wild. People always talk about the feeling and emotions of love, which is fine, but what solidifies it all is trust. You have to really love and trust someone to be willing to let them raise your kids, have access to your personal accounts and share your bed with them at night. Those aren’t things you let just anyone do—or maybe that’s just me. A husband should be able to trust his wife with his life and vice versa. Anything less is unacceptable for my marriage and lifelong love. Now what happens when the bond of trust is broken? Th...

It’s come to my attention that some people are a bit confused as to what exactly classifies someone as a jump-off. Over the past few days I’ve continually found myself embroiled in conversations with women about this topic. While there may be jump-offish tendencies in the scenarios they described in their arguments, I think to label it as such would be erroneous. A jump-off is some person you call in the middle of the night and all you do is fuck and then bounce or kick them out.... if you don’t even have sex every time you meet up,.... it just happens whenever....you my friend might be consider "Friend-With-Benefits" but my friend nonetheless. ... no, you’re not my jump-off.” I think a lot of people have things twisted when it comes to defining a jump-off. Just because two consenting adults have sex with no commitment doesn’t mean you’re J.O. status. That just means you had sex. Point blank. Now if that’s all you ever do and you never go out, don’t have actual conversatio...

The beautiful thing about music—R&B in particular—is that there’s usually a song that can capture a specific moment in your life almost perfectly. The lyrics may not have anything to do with what you’re going through at all, but hearing certain songs can remind you of what you were doing at a particular time..... but there’s nothing like the break up record. When me and Sharif split, the song that served as my emotional soundtrack was Donell Jones’ “ Where I Wanna Be ...... Do you have a break up song? If so, which one and why did it fit your situation? Are there any songs that remind you of a particular points in your life—both good and bad? Are there songs that will always remind you of an old love? Is there a song that no matter what can make you tear up? Why? Do you use music as a way to deal with tough times? What is it about those songs that appeal to you? What’s your favorite love song or break up song?

When it comes to relationships, I think most would agree that the biggest form of betrayal is cheating. If your boo gives ups the goods to somebody else it’s a wrap. Well, in most cases. Some folks are mature enough (depending on how you look at it) to forgive and not forget, others walk away. People love to throw around little catch phrases like, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” or “If he/she cheated once, they’ll do it again.” That’s cool, but what exactly is cheating? I know how absurd that may sound but hear me out.......People always seem to focus in on physical cheating—primarily sex with someone other than your partner—but some would argue that there are other levels of cheating that hurt just as much if not more. “techno-cheating.” The term was new to me but I was familiar with the overall premise. Basically, it’s when your man or woman is using technology (text, IM, e-mail, etc.) to have flirtatious communications with someone of the opposite sex. This other person could be...

This is the trailer to Chris Rock's documentary 'Good Hair' if you haven't seen it.... It was a huge hit at Sundance & I do plan on seeing it.

Here’s a video that I thought the group would enjoy. Equal parts funny and real, it’s good to hear a dude talk about the type of love the he wants in his life. I know that I encourage this type of behavior on the regular, so to see it in action … well, it’s good stuff..................

This video reminds me of some old school Prince video vault-ish, I don’t know what, but it’s just what were lacking in music. Simple and yet effective. It’s all about the lighting, cinematography, etc. Not green screen and over-the-top sexuality. It’s just right, even though it may be a little NSFW! Dude’s music is just so sexy (pause) and his music videos perfectly compliment their musical counterparts.....All that aside, this video is the business. Maxwell seriously is getting A+’s from me for this whole album cycle. The music is great, the album is complete and well done with live instruments, and the visuals thus far have all weaved together into a cohesive vision. I hope everyone else in the R&B game is taking notes because Maxwell is going to be around for quite a while.

I can't help but ponder about the music industry these days and seriously wonder what is happening to the quality of pop/rap/R&B music. I didn't think the day would come so early, when I would start saying, "Back in the day (for me, the 80s and 90s), the music was amazing!" If you scroll through my IPOD, you will see a serious amount of pop, rock, rap and r&b music from the 1980s and 1990s - music that, in my opinion, had amazing authenticity, zest and soulfulness to it. Which artist today could possibly compare to Sade, Boys to Men, Tears for Fears, Tony! Toni! Toné!, and the list goes on! Interestingly enough, I am more than disappointed in how the music industry today packages artists out of their natural element and into some prototypical, cookie-cutter image in the name of sales. I am talking about guys like Lil Wayne, Rick Ross, Drizzy Drake, to name a few. These artists claim to be "hard," but what do they even know about a hard knock life? T...

How many of us have felt so frustrated, just want to leave....this song puts it all so nicely....you can "Blame me for it all" just leave.... "Sometimes you can work it out…sometimes you can’t Sometimes you’re forced to watch everything fall apart…its out of your hands Sometimes leaving is easy…sometimes it ain’t Sometimes it hurts to know the lovin’ you had is slowly fading away You can say whatever you like As long as we just say goodbye"

I find there are days where I go through different emotions... randomly!! In the morning I'm irritable, the afternoon I'm happy, evening... doubtful! And that's how I felt today... doubtful! Doubting my path, my future, my progress... but I feel that sometimes this doubt is imminent after I've spoken to someone... especially someone my age who seems to be doing far better than I am! It doesn't matter how happy I can be..... but that doubt always seems to creep in... *shakes head* ... but as doubtful as I may be at that time... I am confident in the fact that God has my back and I will be just fine! I feel like ever since I was young I've been living for other people... and when you're young you try so hard to fit in... you just want to be a part of something but as I grew older, I realized that I am the way I am because God made me this way... and He didn't make a mistake, so if I'm a little different... that is my business, that is me... not everybo...