The Ups, Downs and in Betweens

Silence is the lowest form of communication. Some would say that to call silence communication is a contradiction in terms. But we all know that in a relationship context, the silence is usually saying something. You know how it goes. The silence is screaming at you, “There is something wrong,” so you ask, “What’s wrong?” only to be told, “Nothing!” What comes next is where the relationship weed of silence begins to kill the relationship. In the void created by the silence, conspiracy theories are incubated, fear takes root and insecurities deepen. You think you know what’s wrong, but you may not be right and in the silence, your wrong conclusions fester, grow and slowly choke the relationship. That’s why we must never let the weed of silence take root in our relationship soil. Good communication is a relationship feed that must be added consistently to the soil of your relationships. Communication is the “process of sharing information with another person in such a way that the...

I think pretty much each and everyone one of us has a female that seems to always have it together. She is dubbed “Strong” how many times you have thought, she will be ok because she is the strongest person I know…but here is the kicker, ever thought the reason behind her strength is because she has/had to do it all this time on her own and she doesn’t know how to ask for help? If she didn't do it, it wouldn't get done(well in her eyes and to some extent the reality she believes). I have seen the meme “check on your strong friend” …and while I get it, but do you really check on them? I mean a text saying “Hey how are you” isn’t checking on your friend or the text to do just a random check in, again isn’t checking on your friend. This person will not just give up that they are stressed, tired, annoyed and whatever else because you randomly check on them on that particular day. Checking on your strong friend is just that, actually checking IN! Making sure that they are go...

I know the secret to deep, lifelong intimacy between a man and a woman. I'm not kidding. I really do know the secret. The secret is this: learning to tell each other the truth about practically everything. I say learning because no one has the natural ability or inclination to communicate clearly and deeply with the opposite sex. No one. When we begin a relationship, we are not prepared or even able to be open and honest with the other person. Quite the opposite, in fact. We hide the truth. We hold back the truth. We distort the truth. We have no idea how to truly connect in conversation and get to know each other. Why? We don’t speak the truth because it is human nature to protect oneself and not be vulnerable. Sharing truth, especially with the person we are closest to, exposes us to potential harm and pain. It feels a lot safer to keep truth hidden. It is the unspoken things that limit intimacy and eventually kill it. It is what we don’t say that keeps...

Bob Marley Classic “ Wait In Vain ”  broken-down by yours truly… Listen, if you don't feel these lyrics, you don't know music! How many of you are in that “What Next Stage”…this stage is very crucial in a relationship (remember my Weather The Storm post) this kinda falls into this category. Everyone that has every dated has been at this stage of the relationship, the what next or is this the next step...with this person? “Together”…No one wants to wait and then, later on, find out that this isn’t it what you both wanted or the person you waited on did not want either. In short, dating is never ever easy…but if you both are walking the path together, then the waiting won’t be so hard to bear or as Bob said in Vain . Nobody wants to wait around to find out that the potential partner has no intentions of getting with them. It's ok to take your time in dating, just be open, honest and upfront with the person that you are dealing with so that they don’t feel ...

I was speaking to my cousin about relationships today...because let's face it today's relationships are all kinds of Fucked-Up, Fuckery and BULL-CRUD. Everyone is looking for something to make them feel good, great even. They are watching timetables to see what the next steps should be...they are comparing their relationship to the ones on TV/Social Media or their friends. But they are not living in the relationship itself. If you are busy watching the things around you besides your partner how can you develop as a unit? Being in a long lasting relationship means going through some $hit! I also recently asked awesome dude what were his thoughts on what makes a relationship Weather The Storm ...I wanted a guys point of view because heck I am a female and I wanted the perspective of a guy that I can trust and that would give me the truth with no chaser and here are few things he said would make him with stand a long term relationship aka weathering the storm! He ha...

val·i·da·tion ˌ val əˈ dāSH( ə )n/ noun 1.       the action of checking or proving the validity or accuracy of something. "the technique requires validation in controlled trials" o     the action of making or declaring something legally or officially acceptable. "new courses, subject to validation, include an MSc in Urban Forestry" o     recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile. "they have exaggerated needs for acceptance and validation" Above is Websters/Dictionary.com definition(s) of Validation... Very interesting, No?? Each one of these had something that stood out the most to me, and I am sure something will stand out differently for you. The 3 that stood out to me are: Accuracy Officially   Feelings I ask a few people what does Validation mean to them, not using the dictionary's standards and here is what I got: When...

What does it mean to LOVE …Do people even know what it means to be in LOVE Anymore or how to LOVE.  It's so fickle, the minute the "thrill of the Love dies" its on to something exciting and challenging.   Love is a Verb aka Action ! How many times have you heard,  Love is a Verb aka Action ! You really have to put action to make that Love Great (Let's make Love Great Again) it will not just flourish because you are in LOVE , work for it, care for it, nurture it and watch how it flourishes... you know what Love Feels Like, True unconditional Love! This word is used so frequently that it is watered down, no validation behind it. I personally don’t play that Game with the word LOVE ! Because I believe in the power of the word “LOVE”. However, we have several kinds of LOVE! Love for Parent Love for Sibling Love for Children Love for Friend But the LOVE of a significant other is the LOVE we all crave and search for.  At times we can confuse LOV...

Had the pleasure on Sunday to be a part of a group to discuss “LOVE” . When my friend Billy asked me to come on out, I was more than happy to attend…because it’s a group discussing LOVE.  I couldn’t miss this for anything. One thing I enjoy is hearing folks talk about their journey in Love or finding Love. I love that this group it was a mixture of like minded, Successful African Americans all Looking, Seeking or Maintaining Love…but not just any kind of Love But Black LOVE …now we all know that BLACK LOVE seems so unattainable…it's like a Myth, Unicorn or Needle in the Hay-Stack . A few key points I got from the group was that you can find Love again, as learned from a couple who both were divorced and found Love with each other and raising their blended family and co-parenting. They spoke on the ups and downs and in between of doing this…and it all boils down to respecting everyone involved.  You had a couple who met online (the new way of meeting your partn...

The title of this entry is from my all time favorite movie Dirty Dancing . I can relate to the main character " Baby " she is usual overlooked by her family/friends but is the one that saves or figure things out. The one they can lean on or reach out to " Get Shit Done" ! Here's the kicker with Patient/Understanding people, we have FEELINGS ! but we are just more patient than others. But we have the mindset that Patience is a Virtue ... but what does that mean? It's a great thing to have patience but eventually, that patient person gets taken for granted. People tend to overlook a person that they know will be "ok" (I put it in quotes, because everyone is ok in the end, but that doesn't mean they are not hurt or hurting by actions) but because people know you are patient and understanding they tend to overlook the things they would not dare do to someone else that would "WILD-OUT" if they would do that to that person. Patient...

It’s the day after Valentine's day…the Day that is set aside for Love and Affirmation. Today many are left wondering what can I do better to find this Love that I am seeking, Why does it seem to escape me?? We doubt ourselves, our worth and wonder why its not happening for me. We have plenty of ifs and buts… Love is one of the most beautiful things on this planet but it’s also one of the most dangerous things… People Kill, Lie and Scheme for Love and in our day and age create fake profile pages to stalk you and your new lover on social media. I have heard of Santeria, Voodoo and Obeah rituals to Keep Love , very scary if you ask me and rather intriguing (there are books written on this just Google it) I’m not gonna lie... I asked a bunch of questions when this topic recently came up because I am intrigued by Love (you should realize this by reading my blog) and the reasons why people choose who they want to Love. Because Love is a choice, is it not? Do you not choose who yo...

It seems to be a complete mystery. Something we cannot understand. And yet it happens every day all around us: People who used to love each other madly suddenly fall out of love, just like that. Story A Kim and her boyfriend had been the perfect couple. It was as if they had waited for each other their whole lives. They had the same hobbies, the liked the same things, they considered each other to be soulmates. This went on happily for two years – the perfect relationship, until her boyfriend suddenly started to pull back, to act strange and get distant. Eventually he broke up with her, and when she asked for the reason he simply replied that he didn’t love her any more . Sound familiar? Has this also happened to you or someone around you? Isn’t true love meant to be forever? Well, I cannot give you an answer to this one, but I can give you the advice that you need to examine your perception of “true love”. I can tell you: All that glistens is not gold. A high expectation of tr...

Let me just say right off that I think social networking sites are fantastic. It gives us a quick way to keep up with our friends, brag about our dogs, promote our businesses or websites, send impromptu invitations for drinks, and waste valuable hours we can never get back playing games no one else wants to hear about. Sadly, with every great technology stride forward, there comes the inevitable social backslide.This disturbing practice is, for lack of a better way to put it, “Facebook fighting.” People play out their barely suppressed immaturity by posting statuses and/or snarky comments – supposedly employing “code” or innuendo - to insult, anger, or admonish someone else within the network. Wow... First, these folks must think mighty highly of themselves to believe something like that will even be seen, let alone read by the intended party. But for the sake of argument, let’s just say it is. Then what? What, exactly, is the point? What is the expected course of...

I grew up in a house build on Love…My dad romances my mother in ways you only see on TV, but on Valentines Day... my dad goes the extra mile (keep in mind my mother's Birthday is 2 days after Valentine's day). Somehow this seems to be far from the norm for myself and some of my female friends and the wackiness we have dated. Growing up I always had a disdain for Valentines Day…which is odd, because I am the biggest believer in Romance and Love you will every find in our day and age. I think my disdain for the day was because I never truly had a Valentine before. I had a boyfriend or was dating someone on or around  Valentine's day but that wow factor (except for Last Year...but back to why I am iffy on this here Valentines Day...Day).  I still remember this guy, I was dating, I mean we would meet in the library and do homework; well I did homework he just goofed off…anyways back to my story, I was holding my friends balloons she got for her mother and dude s...