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Sorry?!


When is the last time you had to forgive someone for hurting you or offending you in some way? Did your forgiveness come as a response to their sincerity? Or was it an exasperated response to a person whose "sorries" are plentiful and often meaningless?

I've learned a lot about the word "sorry" in my life and how empty it can often be. Looking back at my friendships and relationships it saddens me to think about how many times we have all had the burden of forgiveness that we knew would not be accompanied by action. Complicating this burden is the empty apologies so many of us tend to receive from people who were expected to love unconditionally: parents, close friends, other family members, and partners. 

Too many people have the idea that the word sorry is enough, regardless of whether or not remorse is attached. "I said I'm sorry" is supposed to mean something to the person who has been hurt. We're supposed to be willing to forgive in an instant. We're supposed to feel instantly renewed from the pain we felt just moments (or years) before. Words are beautiful - but words without actions are empty, soulless, and deceiving. If you're reading this I'm asking you to promise yourself two things in your effort to be a better person: 

1. Stop accepting apologies that aren't accompanied by changed behavior 

2. Stop expecting forgiveness you haven't worked for.

No one owes you forgiveness; whether you work for it or not. Forgiveness is entirely up to the person who has been hurt. Still, it says so much more about you if you work consciously to remedy whatever actions caused someone pain to begin with. On the opposite end, you are doing yourself a disservice by essentially rewarding those who hurt or offend you by not asserting your expectations. If you hurt me, I expect you to do better. I expect you not to do it again. I expect you to change or alter the language or behavior that hurt me in the first place. 

If you're sorry, I expect you to be sorry enough to change.

Love this clip from Black Love Doc ( if you havent watched please do)


He makes a great point. Get to the root and commit to never doing it again. Saying “I’m sorry “ may not fix the issue...acknowledging the act and admitting your part in the issue is a sign of maturity. I love his point never give an empty apology. Giving a sorry and explaining your action which will prevent the mishap is a great way to get to the bottom of the problem. 

Just like we have Love Languages you must learn your Apology Languages as well as your partners. Learning and honoring apology languages the same way we respect love languages🙏🏾 Do you know yours?⠀

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