There are but three certainties in life. Death, taxes, and John McCain’s inability to give a high five. While those three occurrences are virtually money in the bank, what you can’t always rely on is a complete understanding of love and relationships. Here’s the deal; as appealing as love may be, its intricacies are often as confusing as Al Sharpton’s insistence that man perms are cool.
A main factor contributing to this confusion is a laundry list of rules instituted by society long ago. But now it’s time to challenge those archaic principles as we examine Five Common Relationship Myths.
1. You’ll know instantly when you’ve found “the one.”
Hollywood, it seems, has glamorized the whole “love at first sight” concept. While I can’t find fault in those who do believe in such a lofty ideal, what I do take issue with is those who believe that this is the only true indicator that you’ve found true love. (“I haven’t fallen for him yet, so that must mean he’s not for me.”)
Sometimes the best love is slow to develop; initially starting as a simmer, but eventually boiling over and consuming the couple in a lifetime of emotional bliss.
2. If I’m cheated on, it means they don’t love me anymore.
There are many reasons that people cheat, but most have absolutely nothing to do with you. A common misconception is the belief that when someone cheats, it’s strictly caused by a lack of love. While that may be the case in some instances, on other occasions their issues may range from a mid-life crisis, a fear of commitment, or some other internal strife. While that doesn’t excuse their behavior, it should allow you to sleep better at night. In all actuality, they probably still “love” you. They just haven’t learned what true love requires.
3. Never go to bed angry.
There was an episode on the “Cosby Show” where Cliff and Claire decided to stay up all night to iron out their problems. When I saw that, I thought “Wow, that’s really cool.” As I grew older though, I began to realize that you don’t always say what you mean when you’re tired. As the tension mounts and the hour gets late, you may end up saying things that you’ll one day regret.
Try this method instead. Agree to get together the next day to talk after a good night’s sleep. That way you’ll both wake up refreshed and ready to address the issue at hand.
4. If they love me, they should know exactly what I want and need.
Relationship needs are in many ways similar to the way our ex-President spells his name, Seriously though, how can you possibly expect someone to fully understand what you’re thinking if you’re constantly evolving as a person? Placing such an unfair expectation on your significant other will ultimately leave you disappointed and thereby unfulfilled.
5. If I find the perfect person, they’ll make me feel complete.
No one can ever complete you…unless of course, you’re Lil Kim’s plastic surgeon. What a relationship can add though, is a new dimension to your life—but that’s about as far as it should go. Once you begin to love yourself and live life to the fullest, then and only then can you truly begin to appreciate what the other person brings to the table. Until then, you’ll never experience happiness in its purest form as you’ll often slip into this false reality. This “reality” causes you to believe that you are an imperfect being without the love of another person.
Moral: This list only represents the tip of the iceberg, as many additional relationship rules have also been ingrained in us since birth. Some are probably right on point, while others need to be rejected from your life’s philosophy. In the end, judge each relationship principle accordingly, and if it doesn’t fit into your belief system, then let it go. You can’t be afraid to change and adapt the way you look at life, love and relationships.
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