Today’s piece focuses on a question consistently asked, but rarely answered in a meaningful way:
“Do men know how to love?”
I haven’t even started yet, but I can already hear a loud and very passionate chorus of women ready to express their sincere belief that no man is capable of loving someone in a meaningful way. And while I’m not willing to go that far, I will say that there are some men who do struggle with the idea. Today’s column will highlight three factors that contribute to their struggle.
Disclaimer: This doesn’t apply to all men. There are pockets of men that remain unaffected by the following variables.
Factor # 1 Heartbreak Follows Us.
While some women are quick to state their belief that “all men are dogs,” there happens to be a large group of women who cheat just as much as men do (yeah, I said it.) In all honesty, a broken heart often does more damage to a man’s psyche than it does to a woman’s. Now he may never fully admit to the total extent of that damage, but the effects can stay with him for a very long time, in turn affecting the way that he loves going forward.
Factor # 2 Expression Is Not An Option.
For many men, the chapter on “expressing our emotions” was left out of our copy of the Male Handbook. Men are taught to forgive each other for a wide range of offenses...but crying or showing any signs of weakness is unforgivable in the eyes of our fellow man. (That rule is strictly enforced by my dad or any old church deacon in America.)
In their eyes, the only time it’s ok to demonstrate any real emotion is in sports—but even that has its limits. This mindset often spills over into relationships, as men struggle with their ability to express their feelings. They’d rather shut you out than face the prospect of you tapping into the core of their emotions. (You can blame Deacon Mike for that one.)
Factor # 3 The Rules Change Everyday.
The moment a men tells me that he’s figured out the formula to loving a woman, is the moment he’s a fool. It’s impossible, as you can’t attempt to love a woman with a singular approach and expect success over the long haul … women change too much for that (please reread this statement ladies....
Many men struggle with this concept. In their minds, if a woman is happy with them taking her to the Cheesecake Factory for her birthday one year, then she should always be happy with that.....
Bad philosophy.
That inability to adapt and evolve with the changing needs of a woman often stunts a man’s ability to love effectively. I call this the MC Hammer effect. Much like Hammer’s insistence to make the same music over and over again, some men fall into the trap of trying to express their love in that same predictable manner.
And just like Hammer’s music, that approach gets old real fast. (I think we all know what happens when something gets old … ......)
Moral: This piece shouldn’t be viewed as an attempt on my part to make excuses for the brotherhood. Instead, I hope that by shedding light on a few of the male dating challenges, we can address them and begin to establish happier, healthier relationships.
Any thoughts?
“Do men know how to love?”
I haven’t even started yet, but I can already hear a loud and very passionate chorus of women ready to express their sincere belief that no man is capable of loving someone in a meaningful way. And while I’m not willing to go that far, I will say that there are some men who do struggle with the idea. Today’s column will highlight three factors that contribute to their struggle.
Disclaimer: This doesn’t apply to all men. There are pockets of men that remain unaffected by the following variables.
Factor # 1 Heartbreak Follows Us.
While some women are quick to state their belief that “all men are dogs,” there happens to be a large group of women who cheat just as much as men do (yeah, I said it.) In all honesty, a broken heart often does more damage to a man’s psyche than it does to a woman’s. Now he may never fully admit to the total extent of that damage, but the effects can stay with him for a very long time, in turn affecting the way that he loves going forward.
Factor # 2 Expression Is Not An Option.
For many men, the chapter on “expressing our emotions” was left out of our copy of the Male Handbook. Men are taught to forgive each other for a wide range of offenses...but crying or showing any signs of weakness is unforgivable in the eyes of our fellow man. (That rule is strictly enforced by my dad or any old church deacon in America.)
In their eyes, the only time it’s ok to demonstrate any real emotion is in sports—but even that has its limits. This mindset often spills over into relationships, as men struggle with their ability to express their feelings. They’d rather shut you out than face the prospect of you tapping into the core of their emotions. (You can blame Deacon Mike for that one.)
Factor # 3 The Rules Change Everyday.
The moment a men tells me that he’s figured out the formula to loving a woman, is the moment he’s a fool. It’s impossible, as you can’t attempt to love a woman with a singular approach and expect success over the long haul … women change too much for that (please reread this statement ladies....
Many men struggle with this concept. In their minds, if a woman is happy with them taking her to the Cheesecake Factory for her birthday one year, then she should always be happy with that.....
Bad philosophy.
That inability to adapt and evolve with the changing needs of a woman often stunts a man’s ability to love effectively. I call this the MC Hammer effect. Much like Hammer’s insistence to make the same music over and over again, some men fall into the trap of trying to express their love in that same predictable manner.
And just like Hammer’s music, that approach gets old real fast. (I think we all know what happens when something gets old … ......)
Moral: This piece shouldn’t be viewed as an attempt on my part to make excuses for the brotherhood. Instead, I hope that by shedding light on a few of the male dating challenges, we can address them and begin to establish happier, healthier relationships.
Any thoughts?
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