Lies That Men and Women tell............

Since neither side is faultless, I figured I’d expose both sides with some of the top lies that both men and women tell in relationships.

Three Lies That Women Tell

1. I’m Not Mad At You
As a man, when you hear these words, it’s time to run for cover. When a woman feels the need to say, “I’m not mad,” at that point, her words officially mean nothing.

2. I had sex with this _______ many guys. (fill in the blank)
Do you remember that episode of the “Cosby Show” when Vanessa was teaching Cliff “new math?” It wasn’t until I got older that I realized this same formula is used by 85% of all women when calculating the number of men they’ve slept with. This is how the formula breaks down:

Actual number of men, minus the number of men she’s casually slept with, minus the number of men she wants to completely forget, divided by 2. (And you thought E=MC2 was complicated.)

3. I don’t care how much money you have.
On a very basic level, all women care about money. From the gold diggers to the women who don’t mind having their man’s back, it’s only natural for a woman to care about how much money her man has. After all, he is her man.

But even before she officially commits, the amount of money that he makes does cross her mind—no matter how innocent her thoughts may be. Why? Because she has a decision to make. Does she date a man that can potentially take her on a trip around the world? Or does she give the underdog a chance; even though he probably can’t afford to put an extra piece of cheese on her Whopper?

So don’t let her tell you that money doesn’t matter; trust me, it does.

Honorable Mentions:
a. I don’t mind when you hang out with your friends.
b. I like your parents.
c. I won’t try to change you.
d. I’m over him.
e. I’m just not ready for a boyfriend right now.
f. I don’t mind paying for our dinner.
g. I don’t talk to my friends about us.

Three Lies That Men Tell

1. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.
Caught up in the moment …. So when a man tells you that he’s never felt this way about anyone else, he’s not necessarily lying. It’s just that all of the blood in his brain is focused on you, so it’s hard for him to remember any other experience that he’s had with other women. (Did you fall for that one?)

As the relationship develops, such a claim may be true. But if those words come out of his mouth on the first date, then he’s lying. Trust me.

2. I am going to leave her for you.
Why do women still fall for this one? In a world where both men and women are now delivering complex Nintendo Wii and Playstation 3 lies, I don’t understand why so many women still fall for simple Atari lies like this one. Here’s a public service announcement: You shouldn’t give him the time of day until he officially leaves her. If you give in a moment sooner, then he’ll never leave … and that’s a fact.

3. I’m Sorry.
Now this technically doesn’t qualify as a lie in my book, but I will classify it as a serious mistrust. During the course of a relationship, a man just gets tired of arguing. In fact, he’d probably prefer to sit through a Channing Tatum acting class(very painful), than to spend his time arguing with you (even more painful.) So instead of going tit for tat, many men use this strategy as a surefire way to end the argument. Is he really sorry? Well that’s debatable. But it does keep the peace, and allows you to return back to your regularly scheduled lives. Just don’t ask what he’s sorry for. That follow up question always seems to make things worse.

Honorable Mentions:
a. She’s just a friend.
b. I will never lie to you.
c. I’m ready for a commitment.
d. I promise that I’ll change.
e. I haven’t had sex since we broke up.
f. I’ll call you right back.
g. Having sex with me will be unforgettable.