Your Type........................

Yesterday evening a friend called me for relationship advice. Now I do my utmost to avoid arbitrating relationship issues when I know (and like) both individuals involved. People can’t help but lie/embellish/see things solely from their tainted perspective ergo when I’m told a problem I’m getting half-truths + unnecessary details, at best. And since being accountable for your own actions has gone out of style, people turn and blame their source of advice when it starts to go a bit tits up. After hearing his relationships dilemma and offering as much objective advice as you can when you prefer your friend’s girlfriend to your friend.

I’m regularly asked (by women trying to make small talk and men trying to figure out if I’m really interested or just being kind) ‘What’s your type?’ And usually I say ‘You know what I don’t have a type’......Truth is I’m lying. .......* I have a type.

* I lie less now than I did say two years ago. Just because now I realize when I tell the truth often it annoys people that I find annoying.
We all have a type. We just don’t believe it’s anyone else’s concern but our own so instead of saying what we want to say e.g. ‘mind your own business, unless you’re a magician and can make my type magically appear’, we lie and claim we don’t have a type.

Or since my dad has been complaining about my ‘shoddy and appalling use of the English language’ ……….

Everyone who lives on Planet Earth has a type. You live on Planet Earth. You have a type.

The problem is we often don’t end up with our type. I have a friend who loves millionaires but she’s never been with one. Another friend who likes women who look like Beyonce' but only gets with people who act like Sasha. It’s like we never seem to end up with our type.

We may be with someone who’s almost our type, but if you could give me a penny for every time I get an email from someone love struck and depressed that reads…..

‘thing about it is that he/she is not even my type. When we met it was all a joke because I thought I could never love someone like that’

I’d be a thousandaire. Truism.

(Most) humans can’t seem to attract/keep their type. Don’t believe me? Let’s do an experiment….

Think about your ideal type.

Then think about your last 5 girlfriends/boyfriends/flings/individuals you pretend you never slept with

Mentally list their traits and see how they match against your type.

(You don’t actually have to do this exercise, but I’m trying to make the blog more interactive….)

Now the chances are the last 5 individuals weren’t really your ideal type and they embodied (at the very most) 60% of your desired traits. In fact the probability is there is one person on your list who is diametrically opposed to everything on your checklist.

There are exceptions to the rule. There are some people so blessed and fortunate to find that person that fits them like a glove and was everything they ever dreamed of. However they screw up my analysis so I’m not going to talk about them. For those kind of love stories you’d need to go to a happy blog, such as sodellusionalwedon’tliveinreality.blogspot.com (I made that blog up)

Since I like playing pseudo-psychologist/therapist, after hearing all my friend had to say I told him the real reason he disliked his girlfriend wasn’t because of her tendency to have weave malfunctions at the most awkward times. He didn’t like his girlfriend because his sub-conscious/conscious resented her because she wasn’t his type.

Since it’s the afternoon after the night before, I think my analysis about the source of his resentment was completely wrong, so I’m going to call him (eventually) and let him know. However! I don’t think this renders my theory about people not ending up with their type void.

Now there are number of possible reasons for this phenomena

a) We don’t really know what we want. We just think we know what we want. So when we find someone we actually want, we realize our original type wasn’t what we needed, just what we fooled ourselves into believing we wanted. Confused.com yet? I am…lol

b) Many of us are settling because we don’t value ourselves enough to be with the best (plausible, but a bit depressing so not my preferred choice)

c) We can’t be bothered to be with our real type because if they’re that great, that’s a lot of work

d) No-one’s type actually exists.

e) Our type is already taken

f) We've met our type. But we screwed around for so long, they eventually left us. Now we're with our almost type.

Now normally I end a rant passionately defending my stance on whatever random issue that I chose to write about. But I can’t figure out why on earth people (usually) don’t end up with their type. Is it because of a-f ? Have the God's conspired against us because we haven't united in an effort to stop Madonna gyrating whilst revealing her (unusually muscular) crotch area? Or is there some other reason?

What say you?